Got Body? Let Nature Take It's Course.

Buzzards circling, in search of an unusual funeral.

When people die in our society, we've adapted various options for the disposal of the body. Many of these disposal methods are based on long established social and religious beliefs, such as burial or cremation.

The Church of No Preference has no preference to human remains disposal. We understand that traditional choices are popular in our society. Yet we also recognize that new ideas for dispensing with the human carcass are emerging and should garner some discussion as to pros and cons.

The most popular method of burial has begun to have downsides (no pun intended). The cost of cemetary real estate is increasing as the availability of that ground space is declining. Older graveyards are being desired by land developers for other purposes and in some cases the caskets and their gravestones are being relocated to other places. This situation is mostly what is causing people to rethink their cadaver deposition.

Some people donate their bodies to science and the medical field. Some people are trying the new form of permanent laying in state that has sprung up, storage units. The Navy sometimes buries at sea. Other people are having their bodies frozen and some are launching their deadness into space.

We think we have several unique methods being developed by some members here at The Church of No Preference. One member, who we shall call "Ashley," was watching a TV show about forensics and the study of corpse decomposition and had an idea. She liked the fact that decomposition was "giving back" to nature. But in her twist, instead of the dull science of forensics using this method, she believed that giving back our dead bodies to the environment should be a traditional celebration. She calls it a "take wake."

Ashley has evolved a plan written into her will for her cadaver's conclusion. She wants her corpse driven into a lonely desert and dumped. Then she is going to have a video camera set up for time elapsed taping, pointed at her dead body. After several weeks, the camera is to be retrieved and a funeral wake will be held for friends and family. At some point in the wake, the time elapsed video will be played.

Her love of nature shows should be quite evident in the viewing. She's considering hiring someone to add voice-over descriptions, such as;

"Not long after Ashley's remains are placed we see the buzzards circling overhead. They smell food. Diving to the ground the voracious birds begin consuming Ashley's carcass. But they're not the only hungry omnivores in the desert. Soon the coyotes approach. They drive off the buzzards and begin to rip into the dead flesh of Ashley. If you look closely, you can tell which coyote is the Alpha male, partaking of the meat first. Ashley's choice remains go to the strongest members of the pack."

"The flies begin to swarm in. They will lay their eggs in the last bits of Ashley, as well as gain nourishment. Eventually, as you will see later in the program, those eggs will result in the birth of maggots, who will ingest the tiny leftover pieces of Ashley, thus beginning their transformation into flies."

She believes that with quality editing, the video won't last more than a couple of hours. I suspect Ashley will need to have a disclaimer at the beginning of the video, explaining the graphic nature of her own personal nature show. I plan to watch, out of respect for Ashley's wishes. Others may adjourn to another room to pray or perhaps contemplate Ashley's demise, rather than risk a vomiting episode.