God's Signature

Our temporary "God" refused to sign checks.

Judge Refuses God's Signature

Regardless of how he had signed a stack of other documents, from bank records to income-tax returns, a judge rejected a man's request to be allowed to legally sign his driver's license as "God."

Berks County Senior Judge Forrest G. Schaeffer ruled Thursday that the Pennsylvania Department of Transportation could require the man to sign his given name, Paul S. Sewell, and said documents he had signed in the past did not prove differently.

Sewell, 40, said he would appeal. Sewell said he is a self-employed bond-enforcement agent and began using the signature because fugitives always prefaced their comments with, "Oh, God," when he captured them.

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I'm a bit confused. How did they know that this man was a man and not God appearing as a man? The story doesn't explain it, but I'm guessing by the man's statements that he didn't claim to be God, only that he used God's name (in vain, as the judge ruled against him).

But this man could be God, the fugitives called him God. The IRS apparently let him submit his tax return with a signature of God, apparently taking God's payment or paying God's refund. Unless the IRS believed him to be God and decided that God doesn't use money. But the bank thinks this man is God, they accepted God's signature on bank records.

This is what makes believing in God so difficult. If God were to appear as a person, who would believe it was God? The bank might, but not that judge. The fugitives would, the IRS might, but many other people wouldn't buy it. There would be atheists, true believers, agnostics and no preferentists.

At the Church of No Preference we would give God a chance. We would watch as God signed his name for instance to the application to sit in the special pew or sign up for the softball league.

How could we prove it wasn't God? Could we challenge God to perform miracles? God might say, "I don't do magic tricks just because you ask, besides I'm testing your faith."

We might have to go so far as to kill God in an attempt to disprove the person was God. If we killed God and God died, then the person wouldn't have been God. Unless...God after getting killed decided to not return as the person we just killed instead heading to heaven to hang out until deciding to return as some other person. On the other hand if God lived we might think it was God, a miracle that a person lived after our murder attempt. Unless...we are just bad at murder and didn't do the job right.

But we aren't suppose to even attempt this death test due to three of our rules about not murdering. We would be breaking rules and possibly right in front of God's eyes. If God decided to live through our murder attempt, then God could sign the witness statement against us. Oh, what a difficult idea, this disproving God is a tricky business.

Once we had a member who signed God on paperwork, so we've dealt with this problem. Except the situation had a different twist. This member (God) left signature lines completely blank. See God told us that he has so many names that no name would suffice, thus the blank signature line. This could prove unwieldy. If anyone saw the different unsigned documents that God hadn't signed (or had signed, depending on how you interpret it) a usual conversation would ensue.

"Hey, who forget to sign this form?"

"Oh, that would be God."

"God? What the hell are you talking about?"

"You know that guy who might be God, claims to be God, and says he has too many names to pick from."

"Whaaaaat?"

"God leaves the line blank because he has too many names to pick from. You see?"

"And you believe this guy is God?"

"What do you want us to do? Kill him as a death test?"

"Well, I'm about ready to kill him. He hasn't signed any of his donation charges."

We never were able to determine if the person was God. God simply stopped showing up to The Church of No Preference. We will never know. Was God in our midst or were we in the presence of a nutcase?