Religious Phone Service

Pray phone, not pay phone.

The latest in cell phone service is "kosher phones." Now not actually kosher, the phones are made without all the extra bells and whistles. By not allowing things like web access, videos or downloadable ringtones, the phones can sort of boast of being clean from the vulgarities of modern life, such as porno or obscene music.

These kosher phones are available only in Israel currently but another phone maker is servicing Arab countries (with an added feature of a compass for finding Mecca's direction) and the United States. These religious phones are finding their niche in the marketplace and certainly other religious phone ideas will probably emerge.

Personally, I want a phone with a direct line to God. I'd call it the pray phone. We could use a version of it here at The Church of No Preference. We would have a phone number here at the church that members could leave messages of prayer and maybe we could answer them, if we decide to even answer the phone. Member could put it on speed dial number one.

I'm sure we'd have a voice menu, maybe like this. "If you'd like to talk to God, please enter one. If you'd like to talk to Jesus, what he would do would be to enter two. If you would like to speak to Muhammad, enter three. If you'd like speak to other prophets, please enter four. If you'd like to not believe in God, hang up."

If a person entered one, he would be directed to the God messaging. "If you believe in one God, enter one. If you believe in multiple Gods, enter two, three, four, and five. If you have a specific prayer, stay on the line and an operator will be with you shortly."

The voice menu would probably be endless as there are just too many contingencies. I suspect that most callers would end up hanging up out of frustration and isn't this somewhat like religion in the real world? People give up on their faith or church frustrated that it doesn't address their needs.

On second thought, the God phone menu might not be such a good idea. We want to provide personal service, not voice automated instructional devotion. And we probably don't want to hire phone answering personnel. But, we will think longer on this idea. I really wish I had a cell phone where God called me, with an organ music ring tone.